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Discussion Board > Boy Girl Sleepovers at age 15?

Several of my son's friends have recently had boy-girl sleepovers. The kids are all from the same neighborhood,
and bad weather was not an issue. I thinks these parents (of popular kids in our case) are afraid to tell their kids "the party's over." and allow this possibly risky all night party. I think they are trying to be the kids' friends rather than their parents.

The parents say it is all innocent, are in the house and are supposedly supervising, but I am very
uncomfortable with this. My son says "everyone is staying" except him.
Does anyone have any other insights into this?

February 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWorried Mom

When you say "The parents say it is all innocent..." is this only the parents at the home where the party is being held? Have you talked to any of the other parents? Surely, you are not the only parent who is uncomfortable with this party idea. It could be that the only parents okay with it are those hosting the party and the kids are all pressuring their parents to consent. I would definitely talk with other parents about this.

On the other hand, plenty of churches have lock-ins, but there are normally lots of supervision and activities planned. I would be uncomfortable with the all night party as a 'run of the mill' weekend activity. It is different if this is a graduation night party, or an after prom party--a rare, once a year occasion.

In the town where we live, prom night is an 'all night' date. Pre-prom there are pictures, then couples go eat dinner somewhere, then go to the prom, after prom there are smaller post-prom parties and around 4:30 or 5:00 am, several churches have breakfasts...I was appalled when my daughter was invited to prom her junior year and learned all of this. But I spoke with the parents hosting the post-prom party my daughter's date wanted to attend and they assured me they were hosting a very small, very tame party. When my daughter was a senior, we hosted a very small, very tame after prom party. The four couples played board games and watched movies until time to go to the breakfast. This kind of party should, in my opinion, be reserved for a special occasion, not an ordinary weekend activity.

March 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWonderland

There is already a thread below on this...

March 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWonderland57

I'm 13, I have a big mix of boy and girl friends.........but we would NEVER think of anything we shouldn't. My friend has had boy/girl sleepovers and it was great. We just were more careful with what we wore and the boys were respectful. Yeah, we had a laugh but it was purely friendly. I dont get why parents were so worried. It depends who is involved. I know plenty of girls who would take it the wrong way but we're mature enough to be trusted. There was someone watching us.

I really dont get the issue, there's got to be someone sensible going and they aren't really going to let anything happen. Let's face it, lots worse can happen in school(cant walk anywhere without someone snogging infront of you at my school)

If you dont trust your son, it's simple then dont let him go. But once your son realises you dont trust him then that is likely to damage your realationship and cause a bust up.


Have a bit of faith. Talk to him and tell him why your worried. I do understand the parent side but as a teenager myself I can tell you we have got such a bad name yet hardly any of us are actually like the press makes us seem. If your worried about him drinking then phone him every so often, you'll be able to tell if he's had anything.

Ask yourself why you dont trust your son to go. xx

March 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElmoxx

hey worried mom,
you have a right to worry...dont let him do it.why may you ask??? because now adays teens are giving blow jobs rather than sex because the girls are giving it out and they want a relationship from that but they dont relize they arent hooking boys that way.The media is a big part of these problems but i sorry to say slut are much moere prevelent and its a problem...if it was my kid(i dont have any because im only 17) i would drag them by the ear...parents are not teaching their kids to be respectful to themselves and showing less skin is more attractive...parents dont say "If you want to go to his mothers house put on something decent" because thats all they need tell them that showing less brings more to the imagination for a girl because it is pathetic the way these girls act

No way would I let my teens of any age have boy/girl sleepovers either at my house or anyone else's! I have 2 boys & am shocked at the way the young girls chase after my sons. Their behavior is simply embarrasing. They stand in the street in front of our house calling for my sons to come out, laughing loudly, purposely yet pretending to accidentally fall in mudpuddles then call asking for one of my sons to bring them a papertowel.
I know of others who are only 14 telling that they give BJ's to 8th graders & would like to give them one, then trying to stick their hands down the front of my son's pants and even worse. There is simply no way I would leave a young teenage boy & girl together all night. Their hormones are going crazy & its making them crazy. The media is partly responsible for this. The parents are also responsible for some mothers are already putting their 12 year olds on birth control (just in case). Just in case? Thats giving them permission to have sex & making it easier for them to do so by taking away the possible consquences of their actions. Do these parents (mentioned above) lie on the floor & sleep next to the teenagers who spend the night together at their house? I doubt it. Too little supervision.
Besides, I remember being a teenager!

April 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBW

If you don't trust him, don't let him go. I just want to point out that not all teenagers are doing "things." I'm 15 and none of my friends, ranging from freshman to seniors in high school, have had sex, or sexual contact besides kissing, and not much of that. And if you don't trust him, think about the way you raised him because you are the one who taught him right from wrong, so he should know what to do. And if he doesn't know, then you obviously aren't teaching him good values.

June 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSam

Sam, I think it is wonderful that you & your friends are waiting until later for sex. Admirable. I also have a 16 yr old nephew whom to my knowledge is waiting. He's handsome, Honor Roll, very involved in sports & hoping for a sports scholarship so doesn't want to risk his future. Because of his values/decisions, a few of his girlfriends have actually broken up with him when he wouldn't come across so to say.
As for my own sons, I do trust them & believe they have good values but one is very adventurous & a bit mature for his age. I think he would be happy with just a simple kiss but the girls put a lot of pressure on him for more & I worry that at some point he might slip & go too far. He is a people pleaser & wants everyone to like him. We have a close relationship & talk about a lot of things. He even told me once that he regretted his first kiss, that he wished it hadn't been with that particular girl. That led to a talk about sex & waiting for the right girl, being in love, etc. so that he wouldn't one day say, "I wish it hadn't been with her."
My other son at this time prefers his XBox to girls & I am ever so grateful!
I should also add that I became engaged at 15, married at 17 & divorced by 22 though my children are from a later second marriage. I didn't get to go to college having to go to work instead. A big regret.
At 17 I witnessed 5 of my school friends become pregnant hoping to get married too.
The ones who did marry later divorced. I don't want that life for my own sons.

June 10, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBW

I dont understand,im 13 and the past month i have had 2 sleepovers with 1-3 boys and yeah we think about it,but we would never do anything beyond hugging.i have slept in a tent with 3 boys and 1 other girl.we played truth or dare and it was the kind of game where you got dared to lick her foot or eat some grass.today i asked for another sleepover and my mom said no because she thinks she is being a bad mom by allowing it.she said its not that she doesnt trust me or my friends,but that shes not ready to be that kind of mom.i dont really get it....

August 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGabby

Hey guys. I'm a 15 year old girl. ALL of my friends are guys. Well, a few of them are girls, but the majority are boys. My mom use to let my one guy friend, Trent, come over and spend the night everyweekend because his mom, and my mom were bestfriends. I dont get the big deal between boys and girls have sleepovers. Out of all of my guy friends, we wouldnt think about doing anything innapropriate. I do have a few girl friends who would do dtuff like that, but i wouldnt let them spend the night, or even come to the party. My guy friends are like my brothers, And for me to even think about doing anything innapropriate with them makes me sick. Just try it once with your kids. Let them a boy/girl sleepover party. If the break your trust, never let them do it again. If they know that you dont trust them, they are probably going to go behind your back and doo stuff way worse. Show them that you trust them, If they know you trust them, you'll have a better relationship with them. Ok?

October 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteralyssa mcadams

Lets be a bit more realistic here. I'm 15,closer to 16, in all honors classes with close to a 4.0 gpa. I play sports and have a good amount of friends, many of which are the "popular", attractive girls. At your sleepovers, there is a very good chance that some sexual act will happen. With the frequency of alcoholic drinks being served, not to mention the hormonal overcharge, and judgement being skewed as a consequence, something is more than likely to happen with your not-so-innocent teens. As for those of you saying," well there's not going to be any alcohol at my sleepover," here's some news... There will be drinks. In the soda, in the juice, it will be somewhere. Look for the kids who bring backpacks; that's the most common route into your house.
Hope this was helpful,
John

November 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJohn h.

Hey , I am an 18 year old girl and my parents have been allowing me to have boy girl sleepovers since my 15th birthday and have allowed my bestfriend , who is a boy, stay over even before then .I disagree with the statement that there will be alcohol and sexual acts involved because if you know the kids staying over and know they have respect for you , they will respect your rules. Boy girl sleepovers also allow teenagers to start being independent and start learning to make smart decisions . It is completely normal to be worried about it but if you find the sleepover doesn't work out the way you want it too then you don't have to host or let your child attend another one . I'm not going I say I haven't been at parties where alcohol is present but most of them were parties with just girls anyway . Make sure ou explain to your child what you expect of them and that you are allowing this because you trust them . hopefully they will not want to break that trust and follow what you ask .

November 14, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMia

my name is joe,
i am gay

November 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjoe

Hey I'm Nate I'm 17 I have these sleepovers all the time just the other day I stayed with two girls nothing happend friends are friends we can have sleepovers without sex or any touching chill not all things we do are bad I understand where your coming from tho you worry bout us and you should but you can't tie us down from things like that you forbid it and we just wanna do what you don't want us too relax there's a line if your doing a good job and instill your kids with proper choice making you'll have nothing to worry bout my mom is very strict I mean she sent me to military school for bad grades she let's me go cause she knows I make good choices so really it's your kid you gotta ask your self have I raised a rebel or will they do what's right (give them enough to hang themselves) let them go

January 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNate

i honestly think it should be allowed to have sleep overs with boys. Im the type of girl that isnt into sex, isnt ready for all that. Theres more to a relationship than sex. If im not ready for sex it wont happen and if i am ready im open with my mom and will talk to her about it. I will tell her and she will understand yes she wll be worried and maybe upset but she will be glad that im honest with her. so if i hvae a sleep over i see no proplem. we can sleep in the living room where i think it would be apporite. And i wouldnt mind if she checks up on us randomly bc NOTHIN WOULD BE HAPPENING. I live in a house with 2 other brothers that are over proctective of me and im sure they would have a close eye on everythinhg. im 15 and never had a sleep over and im wanting to do one over the summer with a couple of my friends boys AND girls. we arnt all having sex you know. I think im going to have an open talk with my mom about this and see what she says. if she says no, fine i understand and if she says yes, then thats good. if she has rules about it i wouldnt mind at ALL. this will be a way to show how much you trust us. we are responible with guys and this is a way to prove it. if something bad does happen we should get punished and it not happen ever again. But i think you juss look at your daughter or son and what they have done with past relationships or friendships of the opposite sex. WE ARE NOT ALL BAD KIDS!

January 27, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBrianna

I'm 13 and a girl and I have been to a couple of girl boy sleepovers. I don't know about other parents but my mum is fine with it! She know all my friends, guys and girls and she just has to know who is going, what time and where. Kids aren't stupid we know how to be sensible! We don't do anything inappropriate, we just all talk and have fun like normal friends. Also we aren't into that kinda stuff at all, I mean we still laugh and stuff when we have to have sex Ed classes! I just really don't t see why people make it such a big deal, it's just like going to a sleepover with a group of girls! Also there is always parents around and we don't usually sleep in the same room as the guys! :)

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuzyline

I'm a 15 year old girl and i haven't had a boy/girl sleepover yet because i don't really trust any boys my age. They aren't mature at all. They are the types of boys who would kiss and tell and thats ridiculous. I myself am waiting for the right guy. I also regret my first kiss as well. :( Teenage boys have only one thing on their mind and thats sex. There are very few who are respectful. In this society its very rare. These so called idols are singing and rapping about sex. And about being disrespectful to woman. Thats why all these boys think its ok to do what their doing. It's not. And to all you younger girls DON'T give into peer presure. If the boy says "I love you" and "No I would never do that" "I promise I won't tell anyone" He is lying. So keep your innocence for the boy you fall in love with.

April 30, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDH

Not to put you off the idea but ...

I'm 13, in the last 2 months I've been to about 5/6 parties and all have had alcohol, I'm a straight a student (exept art I can't draw to save my life) at these parties, the alcohol hasn't been the bad influence it's mine and other peoples stupid suggestions like 'let's play spin the bottle!' or 'leave them alone.' also there has been about 3 mixed gender sleepovers after these parties so bea in mind that we had been drinking. We did nothing inapproptiate other than kiss ect. I don't see the big deal. There was about 4 girls and 6 boys and we all slept in the boys room. His mum was next door and popped her head in twice, once when she was going sleep and then about 1 the next day to ask us if we wanted breakfast. Parents can get worried but if you do speak to the parent/cater holdig the sleepover and ask that boys and girls sleep in different rooms or that there is no alcohol. Let him go otherwise he will start doing it behind your back. All my friends tell there mums they are going to a mixed party with alochol but then don't tell them they are staying :/ I always tell my mum as If she found out I lied to her, she wouldn't let me leave the house again :) hope this helped you and I didn't mean to put you off but no one was telling you the truth so I thought it was needed:) oxox

October 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnna:)